Texts From Last Night

Posted: Wed May 20, 2009 8:27 am

Quote:

Warning: This will waste a lot of your time, proceed with caution!

(630): Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
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(513): I hate bills.
(479): Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
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(410): Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! Sad

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(631): Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
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(503): I chose taco bell over sex...
(503): good choice.
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(309): dude do u know what u did last night?
(1-309): do i wanna know???
(309): you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
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(610): the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
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(509): I had sex in a family bathroom
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(503): What?!
(509): Yea, there was a lady outside with her kids, but I just told them I was trying to start a family, so it's fine

Post yer faves!

http://www.textsfromlastnight.com/

Posted: Wed May 20, 2009 8:28 am

(972): so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
(214): so how much did i say i owed you?
(972): $5 and a new fuck buddy.

Posted: Wed May 20, 2009 8:32 am

Put your area code in the search box to check on your neighbors...

what happened last night?

(913): if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
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(913): omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
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(913): U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
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(913): So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
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(913): I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
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(913): I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
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(913): very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
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(913): i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
(816): i think im in thre room next to you
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(913): end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?

Posted: Wed May 20, 2009 8:43 am

(816): She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
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(816): Are you guys doing anything tonight?
(859): Krysta
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(816): dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
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(816): you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
(636): you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
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(816): In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
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(816): My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
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(816): I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
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(816): I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
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(816): He's been sleeping iwht ***
(1-816): Nooo
(816): Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
(816): And then hit her in the face with a shovel

Posted: Thu May 21, 2009 9:27 am

(773): So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first

Posted: Thu May 21, 2009 9:28 am

(850): it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.

Posted: Thu May 21, 2009 9:29 am

(416): I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...

Posted: Thu May 21, 2009 9:30 am

(509): went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.

Posted: Thu May 21, 2009 10:09 am

BigMac wrote:

(816): I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.

Were they at the beach?? We probably know the driver! Laughing

Posted: Thu May 21, 2009 10:25 am

I think she fits right in!

Posted: Fri May 22, 2009 2:08 pm

(310): I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...